Well, the day is only half-over, but I have a moment to write some thoughts before Robin wakes up from her nap. I have an “outing” or “activity” scheduled each day for the girls to get excited about and also to use as leverage when listening skills and their ability to obey deteriorates. Today, our “outing” was to go to the mall and shop for Christmas presents for their mommy and nina. The trip went as well as I expected.
Recently at work, I got into a lively discussion with a couple of friends over the topic of total depravity (I am a staunch believer in total depravity). Reflecting on the conversation, I think we both made our points and positions within the first ten minutes. The remaining ninety minutes of discussion was pretty much cyclical, just going around and around in circles without adding much to the dialogue (at least, I feel as though I made no contributions after the first ten minutes).
I really didn’t mean for the conversation to last that long. I’m not particularly well trained or versed in apologetics. However, I do feel that I contributed at least one clever zinger to the lively conversation. At one point, I retorted, “When you have kids, then we’ll revisit whether or not you believe in total depravity”.
There is no one on earth that I love more than my wife and kids. And yet, there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t believe my children were born corrupt and depraved, with some spiritual condition that not only predisposes them to sin but in a condition that enslaves them to sin. If you spend a day with my two children, you’ll see a familiar pattern which is consistent with most children. In a rested state, they often have little trouble listening and following instructions. We arrived at the mall around 11:00 a.m. As I strolled them around in our double-stroller, they enjoyed each other’s company, didn’t go out of their way to harass each other, and listened to me. I enjoy those moments because I know they won’t last. Many days, around 12:30-1:00 p.m. and again around 7:00 p.m., my children experience a breakdown, and chaos ensues. Right at 12:30 on the dot, all civility between my daughters disappeared. They had trouble listening. They certainly had trouble obeying. And the youngest began to make unpleasant noises that others in the mall certainly did not find festive, nor the sight of my youngest mugging and physically assaulting her older sister do I recall being a part of the Christmas tradition.
Funny thing, but I’ve never taught my children to be physically confrontational with each other. I’ve never taught them how to hit each other. In fact, I’ve never had to teach my children how to be rebellious or disobedient. Somehow, they arrived already wired that way. No, I’ve had to teach my children how to be good, how to show and demonstrate love to each other, and how to listen to their siblings and parents. That’s how I know my child is a sinner and was born a sinner.
At times I am utterly amazed and confounded how such thinking is viewed repulsive and repugnant by other parents, even Christian parents. I’ve just always assumed this to be one of the foundational assumptions of Christianity. It never dawned on me that when pressed, some Christian parents find the concept of total depravity to be emotionally distressing and fundamentally wrong.
[Robin is waking up. Hopefully I’ll be able to continue this train of thought later this evening.]
[Later in the evening] Apparently corporal punishment wasn’t the only thing that parenting has given the go old heave-ho. Any negative perception or thoughts about children is borderline emotional abuse. You actually see this mentality realized in everyday life. It normally manifests itself in the form of entitlement, which I am convinced will be one of the chief characteristics of this generation. A child, a teen, or an adult commits an act that is fundamentally wrong, and they know it. You know what happens? The parents plead, no they demand, that their children be spared the consequences of their decisions and actions, because “they’re good kids”. We philosophically believe that if a person stores up enough “good acts” or avoids “bad acts” long enough that they are allowed one or two indiscretions with a “Great-Out-Of-Jail” card. All I know is that most of the kids I grew up with were “good kids” but there was also hell to pay when you knowingly and intentionally broke rules, laws, or moral principles.
My children aren’t “bad” children, at least not in the manner in which our society labels people. For the most part, they obey. They know what is right and what is wrong, and for most of the day they will choose right (with the gentle but firm prodding of their parents and teachers). However, I have this hidden philosophy that the true character (or make-up) of a person is found when they are fatigued or at the end of their rope. For children, that is right around naptime and bedtime. They are tired, they are fatigued, and guess what, they no longer have the energy to “act the way they have been taught”. No, their true nature comes out, and they can become grouchy, impatient, impulsive, reckless, and downright confrontational. Some may say it’s only because they are tired. I believe it’s because they no longer have the energy or stamina to “mask” or “cover” their genuine nature.
Some may say that I have a very low view or cynical perspective of humanity. They would be partially right in principle, but I could just as easily counter that they have too high of a view of humanity. However, I find my position to be one of the most liberating aspects of my Christian worldview. No, seriously, I do. For one thing, I feel like I grasp the cost Christ bore for my salvation better now than even when I came to faith. I brought nothing to the table. I had utterly no merit to demand God’s eternal salvation. It had everything to do with God’s love. God’s love is not bound by merit, achievement, or status. Which brings me to my second point. At times I feel like I can only truly love others by reminding myself of God’s love. Perhaps I have a cynical or low view (or expectation of humanity). I am human. I judge, critique, and condemn others by their merit, achievement, and status. It’s only when I am reminded that God’s love for everyone is not based upon human attributes of success and accomplishment that I can even remotely be empowered to love others the way God loves them.
I am also utterly convinced that it’ll make me a better Christian parent. Because no matter how successful my children are in this world, it doesn’t affect God’s love for them. Success and achievement in this life doesn’t guarantee a relationship with Jesus Christ. And a personal relationship with Jesus Christ doesn’t guarantee success and achievement in this life. Since neither guarantees the other, my goal is for my children to pursue the one option that at least guarantees something. I want my children to know this God, the one true living God. I want them to understand the depths of God’s love for everyone. And I want them to love others not because of popularity or looks or money, but simply because God loves them, and loves them equally. I don’t know what the future holds, but I pray that’ll be my vision and goal for raising my children in the days, weeks, and years to come.
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